It's time to stop the stupid

 To the tune of The Muppet Show opening theme:

It’s time to stop the stupid

It’s time to park the car

It’s time to see some hard facts for exactly what they are

 

It’s time to learn some new tricks

And not be such a dink

It’s time to recognize that we’re all on the brink

 

Why did we do this to us?

We thought we were so great.

It’s like a kind of torture

Seeing idiots procreate.

 

I'd like to introduce an idea

And one that’s tried and true,

It may make some folks crazy,

But what’s a girl to do?

 

So let us not be stupid

Why don’t we not be stupid?

It’s time to stop the stupid

On the facts in front of us, no need to discuss, take a fucking bus, stop making a fuss,

This is what we call Global Climate Change!

If you never...

 

If you never look up

You'll miss sights quite fantastic

Like bird loop-di-loops

And squirrel gymnatics!

 

But if you never look down,

I feel sorry for you,

'Cause you'll miss that cool mushroom

That's growing in poo!

 

If you never listen

Oh the sounds you won't hear

Like the wind in the trees

And the trill of killdeer.

 

If you're not breathing deep

You won't smell those good smells

Like the first blooms in springtime

And the fall chanterelles.

 

If you never look close

You won't get very far

And you may as well live life

Inside of a jar.

 

So sometimes the trick

Is to shut eyes and mouth

Cup your ears and just listen

To north, east, west and south.

 

If you think you know all,

Then you don't know a thing

And you'll miss all the nifties

The universe brings!

Rather be Square

 

Whoville today

 Other residents of Whoville you never hear about:

Cunty-Loo Who

Who was at least 52

A Ho thru & thru

Why, she'd even do you!

The Itchy Bum Song

 

We all know it

Walking down the street on a rainy day

You feel that familiar twitch

We all know it but we don’t show it

It’s that shifty bum crack itch.

 

It starts in the middle with a little tickle

And it spreads out from there

You clench your cheeks but still it sneaks

Up and down your puckered derriere.

 

Your smile’s a rictus, the dread pruritus

Is causing you no pain

But if you don’t choose it, you’re going to lose it

And go completely insane.

 

You’re out of options, your anus throbbing

You crab-walk to a tree

The bears all do it, there’s nothing to it

They scratch for all eternity.

 

It’s a clear consensus, you’re not an ursus

Your butt continues to wail

Unless you’re right bent, there is no treatment

Quite like your fingernails.

A spider up the bell

A spider up the bell

A spider up the bell 

 Hi-ho, arachnid go 

 A spider up the bell

Cross orb weaver - YouTube