If you never...

 

If you never look up

You'll miss sights quite fantastic

Like bird loop-di-loops

And squirrel gymnatics!

 

But if you never look down,

I feel sorry for you,

'Cause you'll miss that cool mushroom

That's growing in poo!

 

If you never listen

Oh the sounds you won't hear

Like the wind in the trees

And the trill of killdeer.

 

If you're not breathing deep

You won't smell those good smells

Like the first blooms in springtime

And the fall chanterelles.

 

If you never look close

You won't get very far

And you may as well live life

Inside of a jar.

 

So sometimes the trick

Is to shut eyes and mouth

Cup your ears and just listen

To north, east, west and south.

 

If you think you know all,

Then you don't know a thing

And you'll miss all the nifties

The universe brings!

Rather be Square

 

Whoville today

 Other residents of Whoville you never hear about:

Cunty-Loo Who

Who was at least 52

A Ho thru & thru

Why, she'd even do you!

The Itchy Bum Song

 

We all know it

Walking down the street on a rainy day

You feel that familiar twitch

We all know it but we don’t show it

It’s that shifty bum crack itch.

 

It starts in the middle with a little tickle

And it spreads out from there

You clench your cheeks but still it sneaks

Up and down your puckered derriere.

 

Your smile’s a rictus, the dread pruritus

Is causing you no pain

But if you don’t choose it, you’re going to lose it

And go completely insane.

 

You’re out of options, your anus throbbing

You crab-walk to a tree

The bears all do it, there’s nothing to it

They scratch for all eternity.

 

It’s a clear consensus, you’re not an ursus

Your butt continues to wail

Unless you’re right bent, there is no treatment

Quite like your fingernails.

A spider up the bell

A spider up the bell

A spider up the bell 

 Hi-ho, arachnid go 

 A spider up the bell

Cross orb weaver - YouTube

I could be lying

I could be lying 

 When I am crying 

 I could be telling tails 

 Out of school 

 Playing fast 

With the rules 

 I could be, I could be 

 But what are the odds 

 That I'm a fraud? 

Well, that's a twist 

 You'll have to risk 

 If you want 

 To be close to me

And you'd better be ready 

 For an aroma quite heady 

 Coming from my poop 

And from my pee 

 I'll lick my fur 

 And I'll purr 

 As I scratch your furniture 

 'Cause I'm a cat, 

I'm a brat 

 (Some say twat, so there's that) 

 And you'll never 

 Ever Own me.